Jun 11

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And another thing…

Can I just ask…? In a world where the big questions include; whether ISIS will ever come to its senses and stop killing people; will the Kyoto agreement do enough to stop our planet simply melting and would the US be better off leaving Trump’s wig to run the country rather than allowing his gob to get involved (it can probably type and spell more accurately) the big question that preoccupies me this morning is this:
What is it with men and yoga?
I mean, I commend the tenacity, the bravura, the sheer downright chutzpah of a bloke turning up, often with girlfriend or wife, (one can’t help but applaud the whole ‘joining in’ thing) but, the point is, I have conducted an extensive scientific study and have concluded there are five reasons why men should not do yoga:
1. They are not bendy.
2. They are ludicrously competitive. This is a problem because of the ‘not bendy’ thing, meaning they contort themselves into the most extraordinary shapes which are all blatant cheats of the poses they are supposed to be attaining, apparently in the belief that they are smashing it. They are not.
3. The noise is a tad off-putting, if I’m honest. The grunting noise, that is… It is a truth universally acknowledged that men doing yoga have to grunt like they are in that bit of the Rocky movie where Sly Stallone is training for a fight and getting all sweaty and pop-eyed. Honestly, I’m expecting ‘Eye of the Tiger’ to replace the Buddhist temple bells soundtrack at any moment.
4. And then there’s the shuffling from foot to foot, trying not to stare at women’s yoga-honed bottoms in their stretchy yoga pants. And failing.
5. And then, finally, talking about clothes, the outfit de rigeur for the occasional male yoga attendee seems to be tennis shorts. Short ones. Heaven knows why. I should have thought the opportunities/risks associated with unintended escapage and dangling are too horrible to contemplate. I can’t look. Wear joggers, people! Stretchy, all encompassing, it’s the way to go.
If you must do yoga, that is…

NEXT: Why, oh why, do men insist on gardening like they are fighting their way out of a South American jungle? Give them a pair of hedge trimmers and/or a strimmer and the average bloke could probably lay waste to Sissinghurst, Babylon and the lost gardens of Heligan in an afternoon. Not good.